Merideth and Elizabeth's Adventures Laby Land
by Danalas the Lady Chaos
Summary: Rating to be safe and may go up. This is what happens when a couple of girls wish each other away simultaneiously.
1. A Simultaneous Wish

Merideth and Elizabeth's Adventures In Labyrinth Land

Disclaimer: Technically, I only own Merideth. Elizabeth belongs to a friend of mine, and she's just letting me play with her. Mostly because I'm collaborating heavily with her. Her name is Sarah (no joke), and she is awesome.

The following is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the guilty from a _very_ long stay in their own private, leaky oubliette beneath the Bog of Eternal Stench.

"I can't wait 'til the masquerade, tonight. Y'all did well, last time, with that "How to Catch A Nobleman In Ten Days" routine. "Fight For Your Empire" should be _really_ good."

"Are you going to stick around for it?"

"I hope Mike will let us, but he might be too tired. But I'll do my best to convince him. You know what I think would have made a good routine?"

"What?"

Merideth grinned. "_Star Trekkin' Across The Universe_. It would have been great if I could have gotten enough people willing to do it, but I'm the only one in the group even willing, let alone able."

Elizabeth nodded. "I know. If I hadn't had my "Fight For Your Empire" idea, I would have done that. Either that, our a _Dr. Who_ routine." She switched to a British accent. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Exactly."

"Doctor Exactly?"

"No, Doctor Who."

"That's what I want to know. Doctor Who?"

Both girls giggled. They were standing in the bathroom at the hotel, Merideth in a pure black Klingon uniform, Elizabeth in a Star Wars Imperial uniform. The convention they were at was the only one they could afford to go to, both being poor college students. It was small, but it brought together science-fiction, fantasy, anime, and gaming fans from all around the area. It was slipping though, in Merideth's opinion. They hadn't had a decent guest since her paper airplane fight with Eugene Roddenberry Jr., and it seemed to be moving towards just a gaming convention.

Not her idea of fun at all. Still, she was going to have fun while it lasted. "Oh, that would be funny," she said, suddenly. "That would be so very very funny."

"What would?"

"Teaching the goblins to sing "Star Trekkin'". It would annoy Jareth, and that would be funny."

"If he didn't send you to the Bog, first."

"What are you two talking about?"

Merideth and Elizabeth turned to the girl who had just interrupted their conversation. Merideth grinned. "Labyrinth."

"It's one of the greatest movies in the whole world."

"1986, David Bowie and Jennifer Connely. David Bowie in tights." She was about to start drooling.

"It's about this girl, Sarah, who wishes her brother away to the Goblins, and the Goblin King tells her that she has thirteen hours in which to run the labyrinth before her baby brother becomes one of them forever."

Merideth switched to her best Jareth voice. "Such a pity..."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yeah. And the words to wish someone away are-"

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away, right now." The two friends said this at the same time, turning to and pointing at each other.

"And to think we didn't even plan that," Merideth said.

"You two are such freaks," the third girl said, walking out.

"And you are such a Mundane," Merideth replied, not caring that the girl didn't hear her.

"Merideth, what was that?"

"What was what?"

The lights were flickering in the bathroom, and they went out, leaving the friends in darkness. Elizabeth could have sworn she felt feathers brushing against her face, and both of them heard tiny giggles coming out of the stalls.

When the lights returned, the bathroom was no longer there. Instead, there was a pit, chickens, messy goblins, some of them obviously drunk, and a stone throne. And there, sitting lazily in the throne, sat Jareth, King of the Goblins, his face in one hand, the other hand tapping the front of the throne with his riding crop. He stood, walking over to the girls. "Well, what have we here?"


	2. The Challenge

Chapter 2

"Hey, cool, it worked this time." Merideth was grinning ear to ear.

"I didn't even know there was a storm going on." Elizabeth's grin was bigger than her friends.

Jareth shook his head. "Such a pity. The two of you don't even seem to realize the consequences of your actions. The question is, what do I do with the two of you?"

"Never had a simultaneous wish-away, eh, Jareth?"

"I think he's in shock, Mer. Not only are we a simultaneous wish-away, we're two crazy fangirls."

"The problem is that our friends will never believe us when we tell them what happend."

"Who says we have to tell anyone? Remember, what goes on at Con-"

"Stays at Con? Yeah, right, I wish..." Merideth frowned, remembering an incident involving a lot of jello shots, several members of the 501st Vader's Fist, a digital camera, and a Battlestar Galactica sheet covered in Vipers...

Jareth placed a hand on each girl's shoulder, drawing their attention back to the present. "You're right, I've never had anything like this. But I think I know what to do. I think I'll send you each through the labyrinth, one at a time, but if one of you fails, you both stay forever."

"We can't lose, can we, Elizabeth? We successfully complete the maze, we get to go home. We get stuck here, we get to terrorize His Hairness."

Elizabeth nodded. "I don't think he knows what he's dealing with. You wanna go first, or shall I run first while you sit on your arse?"

"I wanna go first! I wanna stick my bum on Hoggle!"

"Okay, but if you encounter the Fieries, don't overly traumatize them. Leave some for me, k?"

"Oh, no no no. You two do _not _get to decide anything, here. Youngest goes first."

Merideth rolled her eyes. "Figures. First I gotta give up everything for my baby sister, and now Jareth decides youngest goes first and takes away all my fun."

Elizabeth hugged her friend. "Don't worry. I'll get this over with quickly, then you can have your fun, and we'll be back at Con in time for a last sweep through the dealer's room before it closes for the night."

"Goddess bless your trip, babe, and give that little blue worm a swift kick for me, will ya?"

"Will do."


	3. I'm BOOOOOOORED!

Chapter 3

"I'm BOOOOORED!!"

Less than half an hour had elapsed since Jareth had left Elizabeth at the beginning of the labyrinth, and already Merideth was getting on his nerves. "Go get lost in the Escher Room or something."

"Really? I can play in the Escher Room?"

"No. You're going to stay here and be bored until your friend gets here. And you're going to stop whining about it, or I'll turn you into a goblin, anyway."

Silence entered the room for all of five seconds. "Jareth? Can I have a peach?"

"Do you really think I want you running around my ballroom?"

"No, but I don't think I'll end up in the ballroom, either. See, I'm not a virgin, so it won't work on me, y'know?"

"I honestly didn't need to know that."

"Do you stuff your tights with socks?"

"No." Jareth was getting more annoyed by the second.

"Can I see?"

"Definitely not."

Merideth sat in the center of the throne room, staring at the goblins and chickens. Suddenly, an idea hit her.

~#~#~#~#~

"Wow, that must have been thirty feet." Elizabeth nodded in satisfaction at the swift kick she'd just given that stupid little blue worm. He'd sailed over the wall into another part of the maze. She wondered at the torture Jareth must be suffering already, and she gave a little giggle. Then she started skipping down the path

It wasn't long before she found a hole in the inner wall. _Bingo. Fiery Forest._ A quick smirk, and Elizabeth pulled out her Nintendo Wii controllers. This was going to be fun.

"Hey, Lady! What are those?" one Fiery asked.

"Just my favorite toys. They're very interesting."

What do they do? asked another Fiery.

Just watch, Elizabeth said. Swinging the one in her right hand as if she were throwing a bowling ball, she knocked over a nearby group. Then, acting as if she was twirling a lasso, she brought another group together. She was surprised to find a real lasso shooting out of her Wii controllers, actually tying them up. Cool. Putting them away, she skipped out of the Fiery Forest and quickly into What was this? In the movie, Sarah had been hauled up by Hoggle. But there was no rope, no jewel-loving dwarf to help her up the wall. Turning away from it, she saw that there were now two paths. The one to the left was overgrown. The one to the right looked well maintained. The one to the left was narrow and bumpy looking. The one to the right was broad and paved.

Elizabeth went left.

~#~#~#~#~

Merideth looked at her hard work in satisfaction. Though it was only a few, shed managed to get some of the Goblins to at least sing the chorus to Aerosmiths _Dude Looks Like a Lady_ every time Jareth entered the room to the point that the Goblin King had simply chosen to stay away. She had convinced yet another small group that it was a good idea to attempt to tie dye the chickens. The third group? Well, she had convinced_ them_ to set up a race track for the tie-dyed chickens. And, of course, there was liberal ale all around.

Now the race track was ready. She had helped the Goblins to tie little bits of colored ribbon around the various chickens necks to help distinguish which was which. She then pulled off her snood, held it up, and dropped it, letting the Goblins know that it was time for the great chicken race around the throne room to begin.

This, of course, all ended up in a great deal of multi-colored and somewhat glittery pile of chicken feathers all over the floor. When Jareth finally dared to venture into his own throne room, he took one look, shook his head, then left again.

Well, she _had_ warned him that she was bored.


	4. Bizarre Questions and Two in the Bog

Chapter 4

Elizabeth arrived in the throne room to find a peculiar scene awaiting her. Chickens, in all colors and patterns, some wearing various pieces of random clothing, were running around in a glittery track. Sitting in the center was Merideth, who looked up at her, grinning like a mad woman. "Took you long enough," she said.

Elizabeth shrugged. "I had a rather nasty encounter with the wise man and his bird hat. Apparently, they get rather testy if you dont put a contribution in the little box. Did you know that the bird hat breathes fire?"

"No, but it'll be good to know if I run into him," Merideth said, standing. With all the grace of a Klingon trying to waltz, she leapt out of the circle that made up the chickens race track, barely keeping her balance. "Watch out for Ed. Hes a bit skittish."

"Which ones Ed?"

"The one with the number four drawn on his back. Number one is Fluffy, two is Gertie, and three is Elsie. Gerts not a chicken. Shes a pig disguised as a chicken. She tried to eat me."

"You named the chickens?" Elizabeth asked.

Merideth shook her head. "Nope. The Goblins named them. Its amazing what you can learn if you just talk to them. Did you know that they actually _like_ being kicked? They like to brag about distance. Watch." She reached down and picked up the nearest goblin, then drop-kicked him across the throne room as he let out a loud, joyous squeal. The little goblin came back, exclaiming to the others that kingy had never kicked him so far.

"Well, have fun out in the labyrinth. I somehow managed to avoid the Bog, but that junk lady can be a real bitch," Elizabeth said, holding her hand out.

Merideth clasped her friends hand, grinning. "Have fun annoying His Royal Tightness!" she shouted as she was whisked away to the beginning of the great maze.

*&*&*&

Elizabeth was aimlessly kicking goblins when Jareth finally got up the nerve to return to his throne room. "You've switched places already?" he asked.

"Yup. How much time is left?"

Jareth brought up the clock. "You took seven hours, so your friend has only six hours left. My, my, I do hope shes better at solving puzzles than you are."

Elizabeth shrugged. "She thrives on them. So, can I ask you a question?"

Jareth eyed Elizabeth warily, unsure. "Okay..."

"Which is more demented? Stealing a trash can from a day care center, or stealing a roll of paper towels from a food pantrys bathroom?"

Jareth stood there for a moment, stunned. Where did these girls come up with these insane thoughts? Shaking his head, he wandered away.

Unfortunately, he forgot to poof away the clock, and this gave Elizabeth a wicked idea. She reached up and turned the hands backwards, effectively giving Merideth more time. Then she went to wander around the castle to find Jareth again. She had more questions to ask him.

*&*&*

Merideth, meanwhile, was skipping happily down the first corridor. She remembered what that stupid little blue worm said in the movie. Go straight down that way. Go straight to that castle. Unfortunately, it seemed that there was a stop in the Bog, first.

She looked questioningly at the average looking man with brown hair, holding a little black book and talking to Sir Didymus. As she got closer, she found that it was emblazoned with the words New American Standard Bible. _Must be a stupid Fundie _she thought.

"But Sir Chris, I dont understand," Didymus was saying. "Why, exactly, are good works contrary to salvation, and why do I need saving? I save fair damsels, for I am a brave knight, and good deeds are the basis of my life's work!"

"You need saved from eternal Hell fire," the young man, Chris, said, completely oblivious to Merideth approaching from behind. "Jesus is the only one that can save you from burning in Hell for all eternity."

"Excuse me," Merideth said. "Sorry, so, who did you wish away?" she asked. _Probably an atheist, or a Catholic. He was definitely a stupid Fundie._

"I didnt wish anyone away. One of those Catholic cult members wished me away. Its just further proof that Catholics arent Christian, and that Catholicism leads straight to Hell. After all, to even watch a fantasy movie means going straight to Hell, let alone reciting the lines from it."

Merideth had had enough. She didnt like Fundies or anyone else that bashed anyone elses faith. She shoved Chris straight into the Bog. "Nobody bullies around Sir Didymus but me!" she said.

"My lady!" Sir Didymus said, bowing. "I am grateful to you for all eternity for taking care of that cur. Come, let us fight for the right as one, and I shall protect-"

He didnt get to finish, however, because Merideth pushed _him_ into the Bog, as well. Damn annoying fox she said, picking her way carefully across the stones left over from Sarahs trip.


	5. Blades and Jewels

Elizabeth decided to wander around the castle. After all, where in the rules did it state that she absolutely had to stay in the throne room? With any luck, perhaps she would find the Escher Room.

She was far luckier than that.

"Beautiful" she said, grinning at the sight before her eyes.

Before her lay Jareth's weapons collection. These were items that would draw jealous stares at the convention. There was a beautifully etched silver dagger with elegant swirls and gems studding the scabbard. Formal daggers meant for nobility. Cane swords. In short, it was a collection straight out of her dreams. She slipped the gem-studded dagger and a few other small blades into boots, her bodice, onto her belt, anywhere she might be able to hide one. She was sure that Jareth wouldnt miss them. Then she went to explore the castle some more.

From somewhere off to her right, she heard music. Very familiar music. And she heard singing. While Jareth singing was very normal, it was the song that was out of place. Naturally, Elizabeth couldnt stop herself from eavesdropping. When she saw that the door was cracked open, she was right. Jareth was singing AND doing the moves! She whipped out her camera phone and started filming the video as Jareths little rehearsal, it seemed, started again.

"Oh I'm a gummy bear, yes I'm a gummy bear!" Jareth was singing. "Oh I'm a yummy funny tummy lucky gummy bear.

I'm a jelly bear

Cause I'm a gummy bear

Oh I'm a movin' groovin' jammin' singin' gummy bear." At this point, he did a Michael Jackson crotch grab, just like in the video.

"Oh yeah

Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummybear

Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummybear

Pop!

Bai ding ba doli party

Bamm ding ba doli party

Breding ba doli party

Party pop

Bai ding ba doli parti

Bamm ding ba doli party

Breding ba doli party

Party pop

Oh I'm a gummy bear

Yes I'm a gummy bear

Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky gummy bear."

Elizabeth was starting to become traumatized. After all, Jareth had managed to even get hold of the orange underwear! But she had to keep rolling, WITHOUT laughing, because Merideth just had to see this.

"Oh I'm a jelly bear

Cause I'm a gummy bear

Oh I'm a movin' groovin' jammin' singin' gummy bear.

Oh yeah

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Three times you can bite me

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

Three times you can bite me

Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummybear." There was the crotch grab again.

"Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummybear

Pop!

Bai ding ba doli party

Bamm ding ba doli party

Breding ba doli party

Party pop

Bai ding ba doli party

Bamm ding ba doli party

Breding ba doli party

Party pop."

Elizabeth could no longer take it. She was shaking with silent laughter, and quickly put the phone away as she fell forward, knocking the door wide open.

Jareth, taken off guard by this interruption, quickly made the video he was copying from disappear, poofing himself into his most menacing attire. Not that it seemed to do any good where these girls were concerned. "What are you doing out of the throne room?"

"Umm... I wanted to ask you another question?"

"Ask quickly, then get back where you belong," Jareth growled.

"Do all the Goblins work at Gringotts? Or just the really smart ones?"

"There's no such thing as a smart goblin. And what the bloody hell is Gringotts?" On second thought, Jareth really didn't want to know what she was going on about. He poofed her back into the throne room.

Meanwhile, Merideth was in the junkyard. Far from ladylike, she tramped through all the trash that had once been someone's treasures. And then she spotted it.

It lay there, absolutely pristine in its condition. How could she not want it? It was an intricate silver circlet with three light blue stones. Next to it was the matching necklace and earrings. Merideth picked them up, putting them on, admiring herself in a shard of broken mirror that she found nearby. Sure, they didn't really go all that well with her Klingon uniform, Okay, so Elvin looking jewels clashed completely with the scary Klingon warrior look. But she LIKED them, damn it!

"Find something you like, deary?"

Damn. It was that creepy junk lady. "Oh yes, I absolutely adore these," Merideth said, trying to be polite.

"Well then why don't you come with me, and we'll see if we can find anything else you like, hmm? Like this pretty jeweled belt. You like jewels, don't you, my dear?" The junk lady was clasping a long chain with crystals dangling from it loosely around Merideths waist, letting it rest on her hips.

"Oh, yes, that is pretty, thank you, but I really should get going."

"Oh, but what about this, deary?" The junk lady was holding up a barrette. It was silver, with long strands of silver hanging from it, each of the strands twisted in long spirals. "Bend down so I can fasten it in your hair properly."

Merideth did as the junk lady asked, then stood straight. "Listen, I really do need to get going. I've got to get to the castle."

"Now what would you want in that horrid castle? No pretty trinkets there, deary. Stay here, with me. I'm sure I have some lovely dresses for you. Just follow me. We'll get you made up just like a princess." She turned and started walking, obviously expecting Merideth to follow.

Merideth, however, had other plans. Shedding the belt as she went, and then the jewels, she ran as fast as she could to the gates of the Goblin City." No need for stupid jewels, anyway. I'm a warrior," she muttered, wondering just how long she had left.


	6. I Kissed A Nerd

Absolutely exhausted from dealing with the two crazy fan girls running around his beautiful labyrinth, Jareth pulled a crystal out of thin air and called up an image of Sarah. He had been watching her all weekend. Apparently, she was the author guest of honor at the same convention from which he had taken the two crazy fan girls. At the moment, though, she was in her hotel room, dancing around and singing something aboutkissing a nerd and liking it? That was all wrong! She shouldnt be kissing a nerd! She should be kissing HIM!

In her hotel room, Sarah had her iPod plugged in. She thought she had complete privacy for this little jig. The door was shut and locked. The curtains of the room were drawn shut. The room parties were already starting, so what did it matter?

"_I don't date guys from marching band_  
_Or Trek Conventions_  
_But you showed me your "vulcan hand"_  
_Made an impression_  
_Jocks are what I'm used to_  
_Just want your big neurons_  
_One interface with you_  
_Caused my defection"_

She was really starting to get into it now, doing her best to replicate the moves from the Damsels of Dorkington video.

_"I kissed a nerd and I liked it_  
_The taste of his acne-chapped lips_  
_I kissed a nerd, can't describe it_  
_I told my boyfriend to hike it_  
_Taped-glasses on_  
_Plaid pants so tight_  
_I think I'm in love tonight_  
_I kissed a nerd and I liked it_  
_I liked it_

_No, I don't know all of the names_  
_For antimatter_  
_For you I'll do roleplaying games_  
_And learn to factor_  
_It's not what cool girls do_  
_I'll be your Leia slave_  
_Leet skillz make me want to_  
_Ride your sine wave"_

Poor Sarah. How was she to know that a jealous Goblin King was watching her. Not only that, but he was using his crystal to record every minute of it! She just kept singing and dancing.

_"I kissed a nerd and I liked him_  
_The face of a mathlete mavrick_  
_I kissed a nerd, just for science_  
_Now my boyfriend is a Tri-Lam_  
_Starcraft archons_  
_And Counterstrike_  
_We'll be doing it all night_  
_I kissed a nerd and I liked it_  
_I liked it_

_I thought nerds were detestable_  
_Chess-playing, pale, bespectacled_  
_Hard to believe they're sexual_  
_Now I can't deny it_  
_Ain't no way we'll be abstinent_

_I kissed a nerd and I liked it_  
_The taste of his enormous d-"_

At this point, Jareth nearly dropped the crystal in shock. True, Sarah had censored herself, but he knew what she had been about to say. Had she really done that?

_"I kissed a nerd, you should try it_  
_Can't dance but he can grind it_  
_It was so long_  
_It felt so right_  
_He'll access my hub tonight_  
_I kissed a nerd and I liked it_  
_I liked it"_

Suddenly far more stressed than he had been before, but with a plan growing in his mind, Jareth made the crystal disappear. Besides, he had two insane fan girls to deal with.

131313

Getting out of the junkyard, Merideth tramped through the dark halls, finally entering into a room full of jewels. There were some that she noticed were saved for Sarah, but that was okay. She didn't need those. She was, however, taking the tiara made of twisted black metal. She ran through the castle, giggling, finally reaching the throne room, where Elizabeth sat. "I'm here!"

"It's about time. And a couple of hours to spare, too," Elizabeth said, grinning. "Nice tiara, by the way."

"Thanks. It was the only piece I could find that looked halfway decent with my Klingon outfit."

They clasped hands, then, fading back to the convention that they had been taken from. Together, they skipped into the main convention area and through the dealer's room, which was just closing up for the night. The room parties had started up, they found, and some of the members of the 501st were already drunk on mojo, Vader Stranglers, and Slimers. Apparently, Sarah had already headed to her room, but the girls had made friends with the fantasy author, and they went to her room, only to find a certain Goblin King there.

"I think you need to come back to the Underground with me," Jareth was saying.

"I don't think so, Goblin King. I'm quite happy with my Aboveground life," Sarah said.

Jareth held up the crystal, revealing everything he had recorded. "You wouldn't want this to get around, would you? I mean, if you come be my queen, you can stop it, but with no powers... Well, I'm not responsible if this gets around to all your Aboveground friends."

"That's blackmail, Jareth!"

Merideth and Elizabeth just looked at them, and Elizabeth flipped out her camera phone. "Um, Jareth, before you blackmail our friend, here, you might want to do all in your power to keep THIS from getting out into the world," Merideth said. "Take it away, babe," she added, nodding to her friend.

"Thank you for the introduction, oh evil one," Elizabeth said. She turned on her phone and showed the contents to both Sarah and Jareth, allowing Jareth to know what she'd captured him doing, and Sarah to see that she had even footing in this argument. It was the video of Jareth dancing to and singing the Gummybear Song.

"What do you say we just both agree to never speak of these things again?" Jareth asked, looking pleadingly at Sarah.

"Agreed," Sarah said.

Meanwhile, Merideth and Elizabeth had shut the door and were sitting in front of it, planning to keep the Fae and the Labyrinth Champion in the room until they admitted that they were perfect for each other. Not that Jareth needed much convincing. It was Sarah who really needed it. Their friends Colleen and Marie, who were also fan girls and happened to agree with Merideth and Elizabeth, eventually happened by, and they decided to sit and help block the door.

Eventually, the two arguing persons in the room realized what was going on and demanded to be let out, Sarah agreeing to go back to the Underground, after the convention, to be with Jareth. It was only at that point that the four girls agreed to let them out, returning to their respective parties and groups.

The end.

**A/N: Okay. If you ever wonder about the stuff referenced in here, first off, the convention I referenced is Visioncon. The official website is visioncon. net (just remove the space). If you have never heard of The Gummybear Song, you must go to Youtube and do a search on it NOW. Most likely, they have a version in your language. I mean, they even have a version in Irish Gaelic. In IRISH GAELIC, PEOPLE! One of the most awesome endangered languages in the world. As for the song in this chapter, it is called I Kissed A Nerd. It is performed by a group called the Damsels of Dorkington and the video for the song was filmed at Visioncon. My friend Sarah and I know several of the people in the video, which can be found here. http: / / www . youtube . com / watch? v= arjiHvkVXfA (Again, just remove the spaces.) Happy geekiness, my ducklings!**


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